So you know how I thought I was exaggerating when I said it would probably take me six months to continue this topic from July 26th, it turns out my procrastination abilities are actually much higher up at 8 months. And it's not just blogs, my whole life is one big procrastinating mess. Sad Panda. Anywho, so I was actually spurred on to write this because I just came from a panel where I asked a question which I feel I didn't really word properly and now different things I could have said are swirling around in my head. I've always been better at talking on paper(keyboard) and besides the panel was chaired by the women of feministing.com so what better incentive to blog, right? Anyway I'll begin and hope I'm not too lazy to go beyond the one topic;
'A man should never hit a woman': I know, I know, don't start rioting in the streets quite yet. I should probably have this under another list called 'words and phrases that seem to have an underlying meaning that bother me quite a bit' but I really don't need yet another list that I have to finish. Alright Muna better explain yourself before you get your head bashed in by women that think you are betraying your lot and inadequate men point to your words as a sanction to go on a women bashing spree. Alright, many issues are important to me and of all the things that keep me from going to bed right after I hit the pillow at night domestic violence is definitely high up there. We all know it is a problem and the fact that it is very wrong is one thing everyone agrees upon (or at least pretends to) from republican to democrat, libdem to tory, feminist to 'traditional family' voltron (geddit?, as in defender of the universe so defender of the traditional family/gender roles). And the issues involved with domestic violence are definitely way more important than the issues I'm taking my sweet time to raise here, but the fact that there is a hierarchy of opinions does not mean that I should pay attention to some and completely ignore the others. Now I will finally come to the point; here's the deal, I think of the implications those words have on the women ever competing against men they are quite obviously capable of taking in any physical capacity and it just makes me a bit sad (somewhat related case in point still fresh in our minds:Lindsey Van). I used this example when I was at the panel thingy but think of a girl in a karate class, maybe it's all boys, she's a black belt and she is partnered with *I don't really remember my karate ranking belts so if I'm wrong don't laugh* some guy that's a white/yellow, whatever belt and he goes 'My mother taught me to never hit a girl so there's no way I'm going to fight a girl'. A couple things here, first I can imagine that the whole scene would be pretty embarassing for the poor girl especially if she ends up passing the class and the boys are all, 'well they had to let her through, none of the boys would fight her. She's not really as good as her belt says 'cause the rules are different for girls'. Second, you know the reason he doesn't want to fight her is not because of any deeply ingrained respect for women; 'You were beat by a girl' are probably the words of the soundtrack to the nightmares of all the macho freakshows out there and we all know that it is this fear that kept him back because !holy crap!, he just saw her break that pretty thick slab of brick with her bare hands and when she thoroughly whips his ass and he proceeds to cry there'll be two macho no-nos he'll have to deal with being teased about. Now I know that I'm against violence and a possible question is why the hell do I even want girls beating up boys, a bit double standardy, don't you think? Well, nothing would make me happier than having no one hit anyone else from this moment on and the big catchphrase morphs to, 'people should never hit other people'. My problem is with the above statement and the fact that while it makes sense to much of my mind, I still feel a wee bit weaker anytime I hear it. We women do not need to be any weaker than we already are and the fact is as a whole we are weaker than men. Not based on biology as far as I know, even if there is some nature to do with it I'm pretty sure the difference is not nearly as much as we see today. It's simple really, when one sex group is told from the get go that they are supposed to work out to get bigger muscles and thus strength while the other sex is supposed to be careful to only get those abs tight and bikini beautiful and make sure not to go too far for fear of looking too 'manly' and “No boy's gonna want to go out with a girl who's got bigger muscles than 'im" (b.i.l.b!) And then other things like, personal example; in most ways my parents have treated me and my brother equally but the one thing that my mum always did which I believe is not exclusive to her was have my brother carry stuff 'cause he's the boy and should even though he's like 4 years younger, just think of all the muscle building he got to do while my own biceps just lay there gradually wasting away and getting all emo because the poor things weren't getting any attention. Well, of course boys eventually get stronger and let's not even begin to consider all the girls who play down how strong they are especially when love interest comes around and suddenly Miss 'I can carry all the grocery bags in one go, no problem' goes all 'one bag way too heavy, look broke nail *sob*'. Stroke his ego, get shiny bauble = everyone wins. (Note however that even though boys may be stronger as a whole, lots of girls are actually stronger than some boys which the folks on crime dramas like criminal minds don't seem to think is possible with their 'Unsub is definitely male because this murder requires strength and all women are vegetables') But the fighting and competing bit is not even the point. What, you say, all this blah blah blah and you haven't even reached the point? I think all this writing has helped me realise that I don't talk nearly as much in person because seriously who wants to listen to all this and once I pop I really can't stop. Anywho, the point is I probably don't care that much about the girls not getting to fight boys when they want to, it's the way this mindset has filtered into pretty much every other aspect of society. How? Well, here's a little game a play to amuse myself sometimes. There's a boy walking to a door while I walk towards same door. I walk a bit quicker and put myself in a position where it would make sense to open the door and let him go through before I do. I haven't done any major calculations but I can guess that 3.5 times out of 5, said boy just stands there and stares at me like I just offered to rid his nether regions of important members. If I've got the time I just stand there and stare at him till he just walks through with his head down undoubtedly quietly mourning the loss of his 'manhood'. It's not just with the doors, the very idea of chivalry and its inbuilt notion of female weakness and our need to have everything done for us. Think about it, who else gets treated that way; children, really old people, invalids, the mentally insane...not exactly a who's who list of presidential candidates. Someone once used the stupidest analogy to justify this to me; women are like really expensive glass bowls that should be carefully handled and this proves that we are worth more than men. Hmm, I don't know, would I really want to be a fragile dish dependent on the carefulness, good humour and adoration of my owner for my existence 'cause one day he may just come back angry after getting fired from work, look at me in all my shiny glory-proof that he spent more money than he could afford-and then proceed to toss me across the room as this makes him feel a whole lot better about being powerless at work. Yeah, I'll go with the plastic everday bowl that doesn't have to wait till holidays to get out of the cabinet and may just bounce right back at you and hit you in the head. It's a cycle you see, continue to highlight female weakness and they'll probably treat you like a queen or whatever for a bit but the moment it all goes south...
Again, if we all had to choose between domestic violence and all I've just gone on about and saying 'a man should never hit a woman' will really rid us of men beating women(should specify because domestic abuse swings both ways, just one way alot more than the other) then of course the former should be all I care about. But it's really not as black and white as all that.
Needless to say, I will be lazy now.
I love dancing, make it choreographed or a specific kind of dance and I will suck though I still want to ballroom dance, but let me go and make the music good and I may just go a bit gaga. Keep your feet away!